Meg and Ruthie have both posted recently on women who choose to be stay-at-home wives and mothers in lieu of going out and getting a 'real job'. The part that really got my goat was an anonymous comment to the effect that have to earn money in order to contribute to the household. That's rubbish. Absolute rubbish. I couldn't stop myself from posting a comment regarding that comment. Folks who feel that way must harbor an image of Peg Bundy, watching soaps and eating bonbons, because the reality of the matter is that being a housewife is a long, hard, thankless job...no vacations, no days off, no sick leave, no overtime. And without a doubt, it's the hardest job I've ever loved. Pay or no.
So how do I contribute to the household economy without holding down a 'real job'??? Through hard work, creativity, ingenuity, resourcefulness and determination. In my mind, anytime I can save some money, that's no different than putting money in the bank. Some of the ways I feel I contribute include:
1) cooking from scratch...no boxed foods
2) raising a garden with more square footage than my house
3) canning, freezing or drying anything I can lay hands on
4) mending and reusing...turning Isaac's ratty bibs into 'farmer shorts'
5) repurposing...turning an old galvanized tub into an outdoor sink
6) making do...without new clothes, electronics, gadgets
7) decluttering our lives
8) packing lunches, picnics and doggy bags
9) raising extremely healthy children (AKA no office calls or co-pays!!!)
10) enjoying simple pleasures ( roasting marshmallows and blowing bubbles)
11) foraging, bartering and trading goods with the locals
So while I may not be out earning 18$ an hour and working 40 hours a week, I'm contributing to my economy in the form of good food, warm home, healthy children and happy husband. And as the Visa people would say, "Priceless".
8 comments:
Priceless indeed. It is a sad thing that people harbor such misconceptions - I admire you and all the others who do what you do; it makes my "traditional job" seem easy in comparision. Yes, I am fulfilled by my job and enjoy what I do very much, but what you are contributing, well, priceless is quite the right word. Not everyone can do what you and others like you do.
Andrea--Thanks for this post! Typo alert....you used my name, but linked to Ruthie on the 2nd link. While it is an honor to be referred to as such an awesome lady, I think she definitely deserves her due. ;)
What I *cannot* for the life of me figure out is this....I took a significantly lower paying, lower stressed job so that I could have an actual life outside work doing more "housewifely" jobs which I felt were extremely important to my happiness....focusing on gardening, preserving food, baking, cooking more from scratch, solar cooking, living more sustainably, living more frugally, working on household projects, household cleaning, crafting, sewing, focusing more on the dogs, etc. While I did receive some flack, it was pretty mild, and nothing compared to the "if you aren't contributing money, you're slacking" attitude people have about being a housewife.
I don't get that....I shed the equivalent of a minimum wage job's worth of income, so it's almost like I was dropping one of two jobs so I could enjoy more personal enrichment, and that's OK. Ruthie drops a job for the same reasons, plus to make things easier for her husband, and people are commenting on my blog that it "makes no sense" because she doesn't have kids...really weird attitude, if you ask me! I, basically, did the same thing, yet I got a lot less grief for my choice. I feel that the less stress I have in my life, the more energy and time I have to focus on home based tasks is worth the $ difference in pay.
I look at the "home" work I do as being a job, as work level-wise and quality of work-wise it definitely is, so it's like I have 2 jobs.....my "home" work is my part time job, as I am definitely doing less than Ruthie and yourself and the like, but it is a job nonetheless. Therefore I look at the work you and Ruthie do on a daily basis, definite hard, full time work, and it is as full of a contribution to your family as what Jeff or Russell do. I see that you are doing a job, so why does anyone think they can cop an attitude about it and act like either or both of you are slacking? Y'all are the 2 least Peg Bundy-ish people I know, and anyone who can't see that seriously needs glasses...
Thanks for the typo alert...I knew her name is Ruthie, I simply have too many Megs in my life right now.
Honestly, I think our culture is in the trouble it's in because women left the home. Some women don't have an option---my mom certainly didn't thanks to a deadbeat dad---but there are so many who have the chance to stay home and make a real difference in their childrens lives. Instead we've had 2 generations of latchkey kids being raised by MTV and Nickelodeon.
Barbara Kingsolver made a statement once, something to the effect that her generation decided a college education and a good job would free them from being slaves to the home...but the whole idea came around and bit them in the arse because now they work 40 hours a week AND do all the housework.
She also said something to the effect that slick marketing had a lot to do with women giving up housekeeping in the 40s-70s. Sort of a "You go out and work, leave the drudgery of cooking and cleaning behind. We'll make your life easier with these wonderful new chemicals and processed foods." Insert toxic fumes, toxic foods, obesity, behavioral problems, ::here::.
I think women need to have both avenues *freely* available to them so they can choose, as just like men, some women are NOT cut out for traditional gender roles (my roommate, for example, would make a TERRIBLE SAHW and would HATE every second of it...totally different personality than I! She has said that if she ever had kids she'd have to have 'em with a much more nurturing, home-y father, as that is so counter to her personality). Some women are like my mom, much more fluid, flowing back and forth across the work outside the home line.
I think it's really interesting how peoples' own personal preferences tend to color their view on this...Nicole and I were discussing it this morning as we ate our breakfast (homemade, of course, including homemade zucchini wheat bread made from frozen, shredded zucchini from last year's garden, thank you very much!). So many people feel really strongly about this, and some of them feel threatened if you take the opposite viewpoint from them...it's weird, isn't it?
I think it is absolutely imperative that kids have a good foundation and background & good nutrition and education. I think families where both parents have to work outside the home to make ends meet would really benefit from the old school method of having a closer family network with grandparents or aunts/uncles who take up the slack and make sure the kids' needs are met. I feel that the isolation of families is a huge problem. My personal theories are that we need to overhaul the whole danged system and revamp our definition of "The American Family" and "The American Way of Life" to come up with much more sustainable systems, and a lot of what is sustainable is what worked for generations...larger extended families, more focus on self entertainment & family life, being closer to the land & our homes, etc. I doubt Americans with their Wiis, big screen TVs, less family time, constant eating out, Hummers, txt messaging instead of having deep, heartfelt conversations and discussions, et al., will be willing converts to the Meg Way Of Life, though!
BTW....had to stop my mad housecleaning frenzy to come back and ask this question....Is there really such a thing as Too Many Megs? Megs are wonderful! I think everyone should have at least half a dozen. ;) OK, off to clean house and install the new doors on my wardrobe...
I'll chime in :-) since I kind of feel like I started it all.
It took me a long time to get to the place I am now, to be comfortable with my/our decision and just to go for it. There are moments in the day when I'm not doing anything (like right now!) and I feel GUILT, like "I should be out working a full time job instead of just sitting around." It's sad but true, and there are people out there who look at me and think, "What's her problem, can't she go have a job like a normal person and then do her little homesteading "hobbies" in her spare time?" I know this, I was expecting this, so I don't let it bother me. I made a choice to forgo having a career (especially when I learned how BLEAK most careers are) in favor of being an urban pioneer woman.
No, I could not go have a job and come home and do all the homesteady things I want. No, I wouldn't even want to try again. I've tried for the last year. If I want to be a homesteader, for reals, I have to throw myself into it. I am not one to do something 1/2 way. I have many times thrown myself fully into a job where I wasn't appreciated. I am not a half-way person.
I'm teaching myself that when I experience guilt for not working, I don't need to feel like I should go out and get a job, or that I should start having babies right now (we want kids soon, but I want to be healthy and have a mostly lead-free home first, I'd really like to have the garden established at least a little, too). What I need to do when I feel guilt so sitting around is to pick an important homestead project and set to work on it.
A penny saved is a penny earned, and I save SO much money just by not working. I don't lunch out daily, don't get my snacks from the gas station (instead they're whole grains/fruits/veg and come from my kitchen), and I don't spend my money willy-nilly 'cause it's obviously not *my* money, it's *our* money and we have to be careful with it if we want me to continue to stay at home, which we do.
Russell's mama is a great lady, but it took me MONTHS to get up the courage to tell them I wanted to be a housewife. Why? She was part of the feminist revolution. She came forced herself into a man's workforce, and worked for 20+ years before retiring early due to mental and physical exhaustion. She doesn't feel comfortable at home now and wants a job doing anything to booster their savings. To her, I felt my lifestyle choice would be the ultimate slap in the face. It may have taken her a little while to get used to it, but I know now that she accepts me, if not respects or understands me.
Anyway, to end this novel, let me say I don't mind you called me Meg. I actually thought you just commented on the wrong blog. LOL It's an honor to be called Meg, though. :-)
Well said!
You go girl!
But remember in addition to the value of all your efforts, you're not spending money and time driving somewhere, paying daycare, increased health care, and all the other expenses associated with working outside the home. And the best part: nobody taxes the value of the food you grow yourself!!!
You're doing great, keep up the good work! I have to remind myself that we don't need to be understood by others.
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